Thursday, April 15, 2010

How do you know someone loves you if they never say or show it?

It all started with a conversation with my sister and my other sisters’ mom – they told me that I am not very touchy feely and I never even really thought about it but they are right… I don’t like to hug people I don’t know where as both of them will hug someone even if they have never met, which is what they did that night and the reason we were on the topic.
It seems weird but I don’t think I remember ever showing my love in affectionate touching until I became a mother, and it’s only with my baby boy. Even with my husband, even though we tell each other we love you all the time, we don’t hug and kiss all the time and most of the time I would much rather hug than kiss – I have weird issues with kissing on the mouth (EVEN WIT H MY OWN HUSBAND) but with Tre, I hug and kiss and tell him I love him all the time. But that was never done with me as a child. Hell my grandmother who pretty much raised me till teen years didn’t tell me she loved me till I was 19 years old, and that was the year she died! :o( we were never a “hug n kiss” type of family and (like I said before) she never uttered the words “I love you” while growing up. So how in the world did I know that she really did love me?
I’m really pretty baffled by it myself because I try to think back and well… my grandma, “nin” as I called her was pretty much an old country lady from eastern Kentucky where I guess she was hardened or maybe her mother did the same with her and it was just passed down to my mother n her brother n sister and then me n my cousins? I have no clue.
So all this talk about love and my grandma all got me intrigued to go take the “love languages” test online; there are five categories of love languages, from the results of my test, I am bi-lingual in “Words of Affirmation” and “Quality Time”. After I got my results I told my husband to take it also but he never did, I do believe though that we are incompatible in love languages. I can see that my results do fit me though; I would feel more loved if someone was spending time with me rather than someone who just wanted to hug and kiss me all the time. My husband, I do not believe, feels that quality time is a way to say I love you, maybe he does but when I try to sit with him or come in the room where he is, he always finds something else to do in a different room… maybe that’s his A.D.D. talking or maybe he is just like his dad in that way because his mom told me that Big Mark does that to her all the time too. LOL how funny! Like father like son!
So back to the question of how I knew my grandmother loved me…
I guess I never really thought about it back then and just assumed that she did, but thinking about it now... she did take care of me when my mother couldn’t, she did let me sleep in her bedroom with her (our separate matching twin beds), she did come to my cheerleading competitions and watch me practice my toe touches and tell me what I was doing wrong or what I needed to do better, so maybe because of all the time she invested in me… even though she never said I love you, even though she never hugged and kissed all over me, I knew she loved me because the time she invested.

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